I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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