i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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