the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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