gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
