hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize