I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
