It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
