So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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