Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
