Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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