Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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