I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
