If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
