Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
