going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dick very happy bro
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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