90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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