omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Say something about gay babies.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Randomize
