ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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