why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
