There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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