Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
