Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
