I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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