I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize