I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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