dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize