I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
