WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
