when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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