I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
