i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
