I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dick very happy bro
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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