If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
