In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
