I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
