It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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