Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
