so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
