someone get that fucking seahorse.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize