I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
