I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
