What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're breaking my sexual little heart
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
