R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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