Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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