we have officially lost it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
