when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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