I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize