After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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