Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
