i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
