my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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