It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
