My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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