People in love make me want to vomit
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm too high and old for this...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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