Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
