you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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