i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
