More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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