Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
