You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
