Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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