You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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