The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
