that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
