plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
