so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
