please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
