3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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