i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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