I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
