Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
