I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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