just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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