I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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